COPING with loneliness is not easy. Powerful emotions are involved. How can a person deal with loneliness? What have some done to overcome this powerful feeling?

1. Keep in mind that your situation can be changed, that it is not a permanent situation but a common experience shared by others.

2. Do not be unreasonably demanding of yourself.

3. Feel content about yourself in general.

4. Develop good habits in eating and exercise, and get adequate sleep.

5. Use the time you spend alone doing creative things and learning new skills.

6. Be careful not to judge people you meet on the basis of your past experiences.

7. Value your friends and their unique qualities. Work toward developing a good circle of friends. Ask for ideas from older, experienced ones.

8. Do something for others—give them a smile, express a kind word, share a thought from the Bible with them. Feeling needed by others is an antidote to loneliness.

9. Avoid fantasizing about movie or TV stars or Internet or literature characters, imagining a relationship with them.

10. If you are married, do not expect your mate to meet all your emotional needs. Learn to give and take, to help and support each other.

11. Learn to talk to others and to be a good listener. Focus on other people and their interests. Show empathy.

12. Acknowledge that you feel lonely, and talk to a mature friend, someone you trust. Don’t suffer in silence.

13. Avoid drinking too much, or do not drink at all. Alcohol does not drown your problems—with time they float to the surface again.

14. Avoid pride. Forgive those who hurt you, and make amends. Be willing to let down your defenses.

The Social Phobia…

“Torture” is the word Jerry uses to describe it. “Every time I walked into a classroom,” he says, “I would start sweating profusely, my mouth felt like it was full of cotton, and I didn’t think I would be able to talk—even if my life depended on it. Then I would start to feel this intense heat rise up through my arms and legs and face and I would turn bright red—as if my entire body was blushing.”

JERRY suffers from social phobia, a condition characterized by an intense fear of being scrutinized by others and of being publicly humiliated. “The person with social phobia believes that all eyes are on him,” says a booklet published by the Anxiety Disorders Association of America. “The anxiety can lead to panic-like attacks including such symptoms as heart palpitations, faintness, shortness of breath, and profuse sweating.”

Some might tend to dismiss the fears of social phobics, saying that they should just force themselves to ignore their shyness and “get out there and meet people.” Granted, part of combating social phobia involves confronting your fears. However, there is a vast difference between shyness and social phobia. “Unlike ordinary shyness,” says Jerilyn Ross, “social phobia is so severe that it interferes with daily functioning, at work, at school, and in almost all interpersonal relationships.”

Studies suggest that the lives of millions of people are impaired by social phobia. Below is a list of some fears of social phobia

1. Public speaking

2. Eating in the presence of others

3. Writing in the presence of others

4. Using the telephone

5. Interacting with people

“NOTHING is so burdensome as a secret.” Or at least so claims a French proverb. Could this explain why we feel good when we know a secret but sometimes frustrated when we cannot talk about it? Yet, over the centuries many people have welcomed secrecy, joining themselves together into secret groups in pursuit of a common goal.

Among the earliest of these secret societies were the mystery cults found in Egypt, Greece, and Rome. Later some of these groups wandered from their religious background and took on political, economic, or social overtones. For example, when guilds were formed in medieval Europe, their members resorted to secrecy primarily for economic self-protection.

Secret groups in modern times have often been formed for quite honorable reasons, possibly for “social and benevolent purposes,” according to the Encyclopædia Britannica, and “to carry out charitable and educational programs.” Some fraternal organizations, youth clubs, social clubs, and other groups are also secret, or at least semisecret. Generally, these groups are innocent, their members simply finding secrecy exciting. Secret rites of initiation have strong emotional appeal and strengthen the bonds of camaraderie and unity. Members gain the feeling of belonging and a sense of purpose. Secret societies of this kind usually are no threat to nonmembers. Outsiders are none the worse off for not knowing the secrets.

Not all secret groups are secret to the same degree. But those that have “secrets within secrets,” as the Encyclopædia Britannica expresses it, pose a particular danger. It explains that “by the use of special names, ordeals or revelations,” members of the top ranks manage to “set themselves apart,” thereby stimulating “the lower ranks to the effort necessary to reach the exalted degrees.” The danger inherent in such groups is obvious. Those in the lower echelons may be completely unaware of the real objectives of the organization, not having as yet progressed to that level of revelation. It is easy to become involved in a group whose goals and methods of achieving them are only partially recognized and, indeed, perhaps not even fully shared. But the person who has been initiated into such a group may later find it difficult to free himself; he is, as it were, bound by chains of secrecy.

Secrecy signals even greater danger, however, when a group pursues illegal or criminal goals and therefore tries to hide its very existence. Or if its existence and general aims are known, it may try to keep its membership and its short-term plans secret. This is true of highly motivated terrorist groups that periodically shock the world with their terrorist attacks.

Yes, secrecy can be dangerous, both for individuals and for society as a whole. Think of the secret teenage gangs that violently prey upon innocent victims, criminal associations like the secretive Mafia, white supremacy groups like the Ku Klux Klan,not to mention the many terrorist groups around the world that continue to thwart efforts to achieve world peace and security.

More to come on secrecy and secret cults.

During the 1950’s, as a by-product of the Cold War, secret groups were organized in several Western European countries to serve as the basis for resistance movements should the Soviets ever try to conquer Western Europe. According to the German news magazine Focus, for example, “79 secret weapon depots” were set up in Austria during this period. Not all European countries were even aware of these groups. A newsmagazine realistically reported in the early 1990’s: “Still unknown are how many of these organizations are alive today and what they may have been up to lately.”

Yes, indeed. Who can really know how many secret groups may at this very moment be posing a threat greater than any of us might imagine?

A POISON-GAS attack on the Tokyo, Japan, subway in March 1995 killed 12 people, sickened thousands more, and helped reveal a secret. A religious sect known as Aum Shinrikyo (Supreme Truth) had secretly built up an arsenal of sarin gas to use in pursuit of mysterious goals.

A month later a bomb blast shattered a federal building in Oklahoma City, U.S.A., and sent 167 to their death. Evidence seemed to indicate that the attack was in some way connected to the government standoff with the Branch Davidian religious cult in Waco, Texas, exactly two years earlier. At that time some 80 cult members died. The bomb blast also revealed what was a secret to most people: Dozens of paramilitary militia groups now operate in the United States, at least some of which are suspected of secretly planning antigovernment action.

Later, as 1995 drew to a close, the charred bodies of 16 persons were found in a forested area near Grenoble, France. They had been members of the Order of the Solar Temple, a small religious cult that in October 1994 had been in the news in Switzerland and Canada when 53 of its members either committed suicide or were murdered. But even after this tragedy, the sect had continued to function. To this day its motivation and goals remain wrapped in secrecy.

In view of such occurrences, is it any wonder that many people cast a wary eye in the direction of religious groups? Certainly no one would want to support a secret organization—religious or nonreligious—that misuses his trust and causes him to pursue goals with which he does not agree. What can people do, though, to avoid falling into the trap of involvement with secret societies of a questionable nature?